Change your mind ~ change your body

Posts tagged “motivational

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About the year of 2014 and what is coming in 2015

Hello guys!

 

I know it has been so long since I’ve sum up my goings in here. But I promise I’ll try to do it more often this upcoming year. I have so many plans and my life has FINALLY started to roll to right direction – well, the direction I wanted it to go for so long!

If I should check how my promises for the year 2014 went. Here they are!

 

 

Saerwen’s goals for the year 2014!

1. STAY HEALTHY AS POSSIBLE

– Well I think I was surprisingly healthy, but towards the end of the year I had one flue and really bad stomach flue. Had like 5 flare ups during the whole year which isn’t much.

2. Get in to school – finally

– YES. Yes I did! I’m currently in school for becoming a laboratory assistant and going to definitely apply further after finishing this school. Now I feel like I’ve started to work towards my ultimate profession and it makes me feel super greatful.

3. Lose some fat and get my bf around 20%

– I didn’t get around 20 %, but I did loose some fat and gain a lot of muscle. Which is good. Although now looking back this promise I feel a bit silly, but hey, that’s what I wanted and that’s what I aimed for! Haha.

4. Live life

– I have experience so many new things past year. I went so see ice hockey, went on a cruice, got into this floorball team, got plenty of new friends… Woah. So much happend in this year. In good in bad. And I can say finally that I LIVED the year 2014.

 

Last year had in one of the most shcoking thing in my life. Never thought I would be experience that much pain as I did, even though I kind of understand it – believe it or not. Life is too short to live hoping your dream come true than making it true and I got cruel reminder about it. But I’ve moved on and let go of it. It hurt and almost tore me apart, but I’m stronger than that. I wish best of the luck all of them and have no hard feelings!

It’s been really amazing rollacoaster ride though. Not all that bad. So many people I wanna thank about this amazing year, but one above all is my bf. He’s been my rock when everything else has come falling down and I thank him for putting up with my sh*t. I got lucky, truly did! And the other is my family – having that one place to go and turn everything off is truly a blessing.

He’s also one of the main reasons I started playing floorball again. I didn’t have any faith in my skills and I still am a rookie taking consideration my age, but I never would have thought that I would be able to be part of something so amazing as my team. They are amazing, talented bunch of ladies and I am so honored to be able to practice and spend time with them. Go Welhot!

 

Here’s pictures about the year 2014 and the best parts of it!

 

 

 

 

So what am I wishing for the year 2015

1. Keeping my health as good as it is now

2. Be a much better floorball player

3. Be successful at school

4. Learn to be as positive person towards myself as I am towards others

 

This year’s wishes are actually more mental than physical. Yes I wanna keep improving my skills as a player but more importantly I want to learn deal with myself as a player. As this new me that I am these days. My life is hectic, my life is living a day by day hour by hour and can’t much schedule my life ahead. So I need to learn to except it and grow with it. It is a pretty amazing year coming and I wanna make the most of it!

 

Maria Saerwen

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Year 2013 sum up: The year of changes

So first month in of the year 2014 and I feel much better. So to get you guys started I’m gonna tell you a bit about my last year and how it changed me not only as a person but how it hold in many big changes in this young girls life.

January 2013

  • I had just graduated from high school and didn’t get to school where I applied.
  • Unemployed person I started to seek jobs and found one as a part time cleaning lady. I spend every other morning cleaning the spaces of local H&M’s clothing department and rest of the time I spend planning my new startegy to get into school that spring. Everything seemed so good and I’ve just started to workout with free weights for REAL.

February 2013

  • I split up with my long term bf and found myself a new job as a secretary for a property management agency. This month was a big blurr to me.
  • Started playing Red Dead Redemption and totally lost myself in it.
  • And actually manage to participate some kick ass parties with my friend

Badasss

March – April 2013

  • I singed my new job contract till the end of the August – TADAA, I was a sales assistant at local real estate agency
  • Started really focus on my up coming entrance exams for spring – Pharmacy and Physiotherapy

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May – June – July 2013

  • Kept working out hard, reading and going to work everyday. At work I was 8h, then spend about an hour to work out and couple hours reading to my exam. I was exhausted.
  • Entrance exam was really hard and failed the Pharmacy one. Physiotherapy went good, but didn’t got in – I missed four points in my total to get in….
  • Started worrying about my up coming fall – job situation, could I move to live on my own?…
  • Animecon, trip to Kotka, then the Kotka’s Maritime festivals with my ex and friends

August 2013

  • Got my job contract continued by a year
  • Got my own apartment and moved in it at 15.8.2013

September 2013

  • Started planning about entrance exam for that fall
  • Started a bulk
  • Met someone, who turned out to be a really special person

Kuva1October 2013

  • Started getting ready for a new exam
  • Started having problems at hip and neck. I had this problem with moving my head and swallowing food. Nothing big yet, so didn’t give it much of a thought.
  • Went out with my dear girlfriend and had an awesome night at the town!
  • Bodywise – I looked the best I’ve looked at October. Seriously. SO DAMN CLOSE to have had ripped abs.

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November 2013

  • The hip and neck problem got worse. Went to a doc, got it sorted out. by December.

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December 2013

  • The most hectic and stressful time at the job. A lot of overtime, dinners and meetings. Almost 0 workouts. Feeling really bad. Thank god I was on the bulk.
  • Had “black Christmas” and new LoTR Blueray box and Despicable me Blueray yay ^.^
  • Had an awesome New years eve with three of my friends

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So there you have it in a nutshell. What a year it was loads of ups and downs – mostly downs – but hey, I made through it! Now all of this is in my past and I’m heading to year 2014 full speed. I already listed my top 3 things for this year but for reminding myself I’ll do it again:

Saerwen’s goals for the year 2014!

1. STAY HEALTHY AS POSSIBLE

2. Get in to school – finally

3. Lose some fat and get my bf around 20%

4. Live life

Someone who has read my blogs before notice that I added one. Yes. LIVE LIFE. With all these pains and rough rouds I’ve learned that no matter what I need to find myself a time to relax and just understand that I can do what I’m about to do and be fine with my past. The last part ain’t easy trust me guys. In my life have happend so many things in such a short time that many says to me that I’ve already live almost one lifetime with my problems. But I’m not gonna settle. Nope. Even though I have questioned my reasons to get up early to go to work I still do it. It gets me forward. Because I can do it.

Now let’s all hope that this year brings me a bit more joy and luck than last year, because sure as hell I’m gonna fight for them!

Later guys!

MariaSaerwen


The art of dealing with expectations

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There are several reasons why I go to the gym rarely and have the privilege to be able to workout inside my own house. Reasons like money, time, distance, don’t like people staring at me etc, etc. But probably one of the major reasons is my illness and how unpredictable it can be.

Not only I battle with arthritis everyday I suffer another chronic pain due to some shit that went down in my life – you can read it from my page if ya feel to up there “The broken curtain call” if you’re up to some really raw inside view of really heinous fuck ups in human body. You’ve been warned

I’ve been on this journey to let myself go of the past and just be fine with the fact that I had some intestinal shit and I’ll have it till the rest of my life. It ain’t the topic to be discussed about with everyone but it is still a huge part of my life.

I have significantly lower voice than any regular woman. All this is due to my chronic acid reflux that I’ve battle since my early childhood. I can’t eat one/two hours before lifting because if I lift with full stomach it’ll all come up in an instant. Nice? Not really. And it burns. It literally burns your esophagus and vocal chords.

I’ve had problems with my bowels since I can remember but due to some circumstances doctors have never been able to pinpoint what’s exactly wrong. At one point as a child I stopped eating since my stomach was in pain constantly. I’ve been examined so many times and so many ways that I can’t even remember all of the procedures. I have had all the classical symptoms of Crohn’s disease  but they’ve never been able to diagnose it ’cause the meds I take for my RA works also to Crohn’s. In my mind I know I have it or something similar and I just try to live the way that it won’t get irritated as it did in junior high school – constant stomach pain through the last year. Nothing helped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And yet all these things feels so minor when I compare them to arthritis, how it keeps trying to put me down again and again. Not only I can keep all the above things in secret but this I can’t. Even when I applied to study this spring I had to inform the school that I have this “disability” as they call it and I needed to do the extra work to just prove that I could study in the field I’ve chosen to apply. I’ll need medical certificate and talk about my current health and future with the teachers there. It’s like no matter what I do I’ll always be the one with the disadvantage.

The one who might get sick in future.

The one who might not be able to do this job in a long hall.

But y’know what? I’m up for the challenge. To get even an invite to that exam – which means I’m 1/3 of the applicants who did! – was a one small but great victory to me. I cried when my sister called me and told me that the  mailman had remembered me. I had to sat down, cry and smile. And all I was thinking “Now it’s up to me. I can do this!”

I’ve fought this fight for over 12 years and will battle it till my dying days. I have prove some of them already wrong. This illness is so individual and mine has been under a great control for the past years – minus these few bumps in the road but hey, it’s like someone having a really bad cold and can’t workout or go to work right? But I won’t lie to you – this fight is really tiring. It won’t even start or stop, it’s continuous fight of proving everyone wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To prove them that I can do WHAT I SAY I can do.

I know my limits. I know the horror pictures that people have created for my future. I know them all. But I also know how you can over come them. How you can try to avoid them. How I work every single day to be able to function as any one of you. And I hope, I really do hope, that someday all of this will be worth it. All the pains and aches in the gym when you feel like your muscles are ready for more but my joints ain’t. How I need to be patient and let my body recover after a flare up.

Every time I grab that bar and deadlift I feel like my knuckles are gonna fall in to pieces – but the pain is worth it. Even when the weight can’t never be my maximum it’s still weight. And that weight is far easier to lift even with a little pain than the expectations and discouragement I face everyday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope you all have a nice Saturday! Just thought I should let my feelings out. Let me know what you thought about the text!

MariaSaerwen


It’s like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste ~

I want to remind all of you awesome people something. Even though we pursuit these awesome, fit bodies, I wish to people to understand to look through the outside barrier when it comes to making friends and getting to know someone. Sometimes the most beautiful thing is wrapped inside this shell that doesn’t do justice on it.

I’m lucky. I have so many variety of friends that I can wish for: tall, short, fit, voluptuous, smart, geek, rocker, emo… Even have a few friends with a disabilities and they rock my world everyday. And I thank all of them for being who they are. Even though we wouldn’t get a long with all the subjects and things we discuss, I still like them a lot. They are awesome, way cooler than their outside form and we can agree to disagree things and still be friends.

“That’s always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they’re pretty. It’s like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste.”

John Green

Source: click the picture

Maria Saerwen


Power of the smile

Sometimes even the smallest gesture can make your day. This happened to me today:

I went to buy my meds at the local drug store. I have had pretty awful two days so far. From the moment I saw my pharmacist I felt good. She smiled at me, told me “Good morning” and did some chitchat which usually doesn’t happen here. Trust me. I was amazed but smiled back, handed my prescriptions and KELA card.  She was so bubbly through the whole process. She told me that she’s gonna go and fed the meds and I just nodded and look at my watch.

Oh there’s so many things to do…  

Then she came back and started putting those label things on the bottles.  Then suddenly she asked me: “Are these you’re only drugs for RA?”

I looked at her and said “Yes.” She smiled at me back, this really wide smile and told me “Oh! That is so good, isn’t it?”

I was so baffled by her smile and the reality that she threw at me: Things could be worse.

I nodded and said yes. After a little silent moment I told her that many of my friends have the biologic drugs and they are whole different category to mine.

“Oh yes they are. So expensive and everything. But if this suits for you and it doesn’t ’cause any side effects it’s great! Glad that it’s working with you.” Her kindness made me feel stupid. I must have looked when I came to her station like the whole world stinks. And she was happy and kind towards me, even though my hard shell that I had put on me.But she changed it. I smiled. Smiled for the first time in days. I felt good although I had the stress banging my head with hammer. I paid my meds, thanked her and left.

Source: click the picture

Source: click the picture

Source: click the picture

Be nice to someone. Smile. Care. It can seriously make someone’s day.

Maria Saerwen


Battery met his maker ~

This morning wasn’t my best. Car broke down just before I needed to go get my blood work done. Thank God my mom was at work and she could drove me there. Now gonna wait for the night and floorball practice, yay! Finally kicking butt to my flu.

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Maria Saerwen


Winter is out there.

 

I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape. Something waits beneath it; the whole story doesn’t show.
Andrew Wyeth 

 

Had pretty bad day. Didn’t get any sleep last night and the whole morning went by me looking at it from the passenger seat. Although got some squats done, it was pretty much that. Let’s hope that next week brings me more WO’s and smiles.

 

Maria Saerwen