Change your mind ~ change your body

Archive for April, 2013

The wasteland of memories

I stared at the sealing, hoping to find an exit out of here. Never seen such a dull white sea of panels. Full of tiny little holes. Full of memories. Full of fears.

Something was pounding on my chest furiously. I felt how it made me almost twitch by it force. My heart? It’s still alive?

Dreamingly I gazed the clock and empty hall way. Let out a silent sigh. Felt like my skin was rapidly melting of by tingling it’s way out of my meat and bones. I sighed again. A new fear. A new memory.

Somehow my sight caught up the long black machine that just came to hallway. So deep black. It looked almost so innocent at the hands of a small woman. Gazing my hands in my lap I saw sweat pouring out of them. Making the skin feel sticky and moist.

Cold. I felt cold.

‘Happy thoughts’, they said ‘think about happy thoughts and you’ll be fine!’ I shivered. Smelled the death. I’m better than this. I don’t need to take it on me anymore.

I got up and started to slowly walk away from my chair. My good old chair.

Heard the small lady behind me yelling. Grunting. Yelling again. I stopped and turned to look at her. She was still holding the machine. She was bleeding from her eyes and mouth. She looked at me, begging almost, offering the handle of the machine to me.

‘This is why you came here, right?! To meet your fear again, right?!’ Evil grin decorated that pale bleeding face, when she cried her blood out. I looked at the machine. I looked at the woman. She was suffering, but the glimpse of hope was still in those eyes – letting go and never coming back. Then I saw how the fear had entwined around that glimpse of hope, slowly suffocating it by its force. And the hope faded even more when she noticed that I’ve done what she couldn’t.


Finally, I shook my head for no.


Her eyes rolled inside her head so, that the whites were the only thing I saw before I turned my back to her and continued walking. She moaned and started to cry in agony.


‘It’s your burden from now on. I will not carry it along side of me anymore.’ Her voice got louder and she grunted like dying men did.


And I smiled for the first time in months.

WARNING! Not for weak minded

Damn it’s warm outside!

My morning walk. Click the pictures if you want to see the whole beauty.

And I have upper body doms, finally! Missed you guys! ♥ Haha.

Maria Saerwen